My other small worry lies in having to get out of Jersey and into Manhattan. After all, that was the original plan. Plus, I’d like to take a couple of art-related classes at night, and doing it while living outside the city seems inconvenient and equally costly.

Tis all fir this early morning update.

Of course, I’m on my period and PMSing hardcore, so despite some good things that have been happening, I’m feeling a little negative and rant-y right now. I spent most of the first week at a Grace’s and only came out to the new apartment a couple of times before going away for the President’s Day weekend with Tori to her parents’ home.

I’ve settled in somewhat because I have a dresser that I’ve filled up and a futon I have borrowed/taken over from my roommate’s room. The grocery shopping was done once, the laundry done as well (which was annoying to do because I had to walk outside to do it — a new concept for me!). I have yet to buy furniture, but am now the proud owner of too many socks. I’ve eaten out entirely too many times but did manage to restore a bit of money into the savings account thanks to the tiny US Treasury tax refund I got around my birthday and because I was getting meals bought for me a lot.

I’ve only seen a couple of my college friends, mostly because I only told a couple of them I was here. Ironically, when I had a bit of good news, it seemed like I had to tell half of California rather than friends in the EST zone. I had an awkward dinner with a cousin I haven’t seen in more than a decade and a half, two meetings with a friend’s boyfriend, a reflective meal with two friends from Korea, and an unnecessarily odd couple of hours out with four people who were much more inebriated than I.

I did manage to score an interview just a mere two hours after sending in a resume to a gallery. The phone call became a meeting the next day, and by dinnertime I apparently had a verbal job offer. Exciting because of the speediness of the turnaround time, but upon speaking with a girl-who-currently-works-there-and-has-now-quit-who-coincidentally-went-to-my-college-and-has-a-lot-of-friends-in-common-with-me, it seems like it’ll have to be a temporary gig with a potentially volatile boss and slightly unpleasant working condiitons. A positive thing so quickly turns negative, but I am trying to retain the outlook that things happen for the best, always.

The news does kind of put a damper on what could have been a fun week of seeing what apartments I could afford in Manhattan, but knowing that the job might have to be temporary and uncertainty about employment/income afterwards…

So worried! I wish I had someone to hold my hand.

Grace and I spoke a little about David and her past relationship over dinner on Friday, which may have been cause for my little burst of tears this morning while in bed. I do miss having someone to turn to no matter what, someone who genuinely cares for each and every step I took. It takes so much work just to find that, and even more sweat and tears to retain it. I’m not sure after all is said and done, the rewards are greater than the hurt and pain.

love the vibrant spring colors! i can’t imagine not being happy in this kind of room. i especially adore the turquoise and the cerulean blue.

Courtesy of: apartmenttherapy.com

the wallpaper print along with the throw pillow colors are very soothing and relaxing. i’m not too big of a fan of the coral accents but it does manage to give it a much daintier feeling because without it, the whole scheme would be borderline safari.

Courtesy of: apartmenttherapy.com

i love the idea of having a neutral wall color with a pastel print in natural shapes. this particular print is a bit too floral-y for me but i admit i was attracted to it because i have a makeup bag almost like it.

Courtesy of: apartmenttherapy.com

the schoolhouse chalkboard and the whimsical calendar is such a cute and fun combination!

Courtesy of: apartmenttherapy.com (for purchase: ikea.com | etsy.com)

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I probably had some, but I cannot remember where I wrote them. Not that it matters, I probably didn’t keep them.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
“Closest” would be Rebecca

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, thank goodness

5. What countries did you visit?
None!

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
A real boy slash cuddle buddy
More than 5 friends at a time
Some financial stability
A solid and enjoyable job

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
December 31, had fun and I want it to be my turnaround point (see: 2009 Resolutions).
HMM, that doesn’t say much. I want to move on from my past relationship, I want to let go of all the sadness and bitterness it brought me.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Made two wonderful friends whom I adore

9. What was your biggest failure?
No savings, no proper job, being too dependent (emotionally and financially), being a mess in every other way possible

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
An infected wisdom tooth

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My boyfriend, the iPhone

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My mother

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
David

14. Where did most of your money go?
Gas, dental work, clothes, beauty items, eating out

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
A boy

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Love In This Club, Usher

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? happier
ii. thinner or fatter? no effing clue
iii. richer or poorer? poorer

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Spoke to and made more friends

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Rue and regret, cry

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I probably spent it watching TV and sleeping in, as usual

22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
No

23. How many one-night stands?
0.25, I guess

24. What was your favorite TV program?
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, 30 Rock, Lost, Californication

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No, the opposite really and hopefully continously

26. What was the best book you read?
Meh

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Meh again

28. What did you want and get?
To feel somewhat wanted and attractive again

29. What did you want and not get?
Satisfaction

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Lars and the Real Girl, Michael Clayton, The Darjeeling Limited, Wanted
Confusions: Atonement, No Country for Old Men (came out in 2007 in LA)
Slumdog Millionaire, Revolutionary Road, Benjamin Button (watched in 2009)

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Had a depressing birthday where my friends either flaked on me or got mad at me, worst dinner ever

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Having David be an actual friend to me

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Cardigan prep

34. What kept you sane?
Joyce

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
James McAvoy

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Gay marriage

37. Who did you miss?
Tori, Grace

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Melissa

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
He’s not important

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
“Live through this, and you won’t look back.” – Your Ex-Lover is Dead, Stars

hamburger dress

Amazing.

DHC Retino A Essence: I have used this as a moisturizer last night as well as this morning. I just noticed upon washing and moisturizing my face tonight that my redness (the kind that usually appears after washing your face) and splotchiness seem to have lessened considerably. I have no idea if this Retino A thing is sun-sensitive (oops, it is, and I drove for an hour or so today!!). I did notice today that it made my skin itchy a bit, but just slightly more than usual dry-itchiness that has happened so far. I think I am supposed to be using it every other night, but whoops again.

Paula’s Choice 2% Beta Hydroxy Acid Liquid: Adding it to my nose and forehead (the latter, I don’t know why) to clear up blackheads. Less sticky than the other formulations I’ve tried.

MDSkincare Hydra-Pure Firming Eye Cream: Very much a Vaseline-like texture. It absorbs quickly though, doesn’t feel like I have anything on. Don’t know what it’s supposed to be doing.

Rx for Brown Skin, Bright and Healthy Ultra-Gentle Moisturizer: Soaks in quickly, can’t feel it on my face at all. Skin seems smoother, but more likely a result of the overusage of the Retino-A thing. Light formula.

What am I thinking?! What makes me think that I will come out alive, moving cross-country to a city jobless and houseless, with little experience, going into a field that pays so little?

At the same time, I have no desire to stay here in the same position. Dilemmas.